All Cards

29 again! Happy Birthday.

May your birthday be hotter than "50 Shades of Grey" ...

The Sahasrara Symbol (crown chakra)

Love you more. Happy Anniversary.

Happy Anniversary

Anniversary Report

I remembered our anniversary...

Happy Anniversary. I love you more than ever.

Happy Anniversary instead of boring sex tonight, lets make love.

If you're put in the dryer...

Happy Anniversary greeting card for defying divorce statistics.

Seed of Life sacred geometry

Here's an apology card...

I'm sorry I didn't find a better card to say I'm sorry.

YOur such an Aquarius.

You're such an Aries.

Grab yourself a big fat stogie...

What does coochie coochie-coo really mean? That's right, this question could only signify one thing, and oneeded to do something Oprah hasn't done yet oused the "rhythm method" owanted to find out whose genes were stronger ohad a few too many wine coolers ohave a-whole-lotta-love to give to some lucky soul...

When life gives you pigs make bacon.

I'm gonna hug you so hard it's going to get ackward.

Belated Birthday.

This card isn't late...

Holy shit. I forgot your goddam birthday! Happy Birthday

Sorry, what can I say? I got lost in the dryer and missed your birthday...

People still have their lights up...

You're number one.

Yo. Here's to keeping it realz another year.

Blindingly radiant. You give the sun a run for its money.

Fuck facebook.

Wonderful Marvelous Amazing You.

Supernova, Rockstar, Goddess, Queen That about sums it up.

Gratuitous Kissass Moment

You are awesome

Birthday thoughts

Have an unforgettable Birthday.

Birthday drunk and naked.

Birthday Holiday

Birthday Lottery

Rainbows & Blue skies forever

Birthday dog years.

Happy Everyday.

Your Day Your Way.

Birthday Hugs. It wont be as satisfying as spanking, but it will have to do.

Birthday Food Pyramid

Birthday truth financial graph

The economy sucks. Be glad you got this card.

Didn't you just have a birthday last year.

Don't worry there's money in here.

Sorry I forgot your Birthday...

I thought I was old.

Did I at least get the month right?

It's less embarrassing when the card sings it.

I better not catch you regifting.

How's your bladder holding up?

What's the opposite of a spring chicken?

That'll teach you for thinking I forgot.

You're 30 What!?

You're 40 What!?

You're 50 What!?

This extra special Birthday card should only be sent to the most amazingly wonderful fantastically awesome person ever.

You are going to cherish this Birthday card years from now.

Nobody should be sober on their Birthday.

The odds that this is your Birthday are one in 365.

I really want you to have the happiest Birthday ever.

It might be. It could be...

What do you get someone that has everything?

Don't worry. This is not a letter from the AARP...

This is the worst Birthday gift you will receive this year.

OH NO. Is that a gray hair.

Reasons to live pie chart

Birthday graph meeting in the middle

Top Birthday myths pie chart

Funny contents of this card bar graph

What were not doing on your Birthday pie chart

Pie chart of people I've sent a card to this year

Amount of attention generated on your birthday bar chart

What are you getting too old for pie chart

The Birthday gifts I seriously considered getting you bar chart

Reasons I'm glad it's your Birthday pie chart.

Ideal Birthday Schedule time line chart

Top thoughts to avoid on your Birthday pie chart

Your Birthday specialness to me pie chart

Your Birthday vs. everyone else's Birthday bar chart

YOU ONLY GET BETTER WITH AGE...

You are next in line for an infomercial for age defying radiance...

Age is just a number that changes depending on who's asking.

Yes, an actual Birthday card from yours truly! How about them apples!

IS THERE A SIGN FOR FREAKIN' AWESOME? CUZ IT'S CLEARLY YOUR SIGN...

Birthday Beer

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GREATEST PERSON EVER...

You have more brightening power than any other brand.

You only live once.

You don't look half bad for someone twice your age! Happy Birthday

I got you a really great present this year...

I grant you rockstar status today and only today...

To call you a geezer would be cruel, old-timer...

Finally, we have a legitimate excuse to drink...

Your birthday cake is now officially a fire hazard! Happy Birthday

The alternative is a lot worse! Happy Birthday

I care about you so much that I'd never use cliche-filled prose to say it.

At 16 you get to drive...

Be the person your dog thinks you are.

Wine, beer, coffee, or tea...

You deserve better than a lousy e-card Happy Birthday.

Happy birthday from one of your biggest fans.

I picked you some flowers...

I hate everyone who isn't you.

If awesome wasn't such an overused word I'd use it to describe you.

You sexy muthafucka.

Happy Birthday Greeting card; I LOVE YOUR ASS.

You many not have all the money, models, Oscars, or fame; but you do have a friend to get you drunk on your Birthday...

Happy Birthday Homeboy "Homesock"

Lettuce grow old together and always romaine friends...

Birthday Namaste Wishes

Talk nerdy to me....

Olive you. Pits and all.

Feliz Cumpleanos. (Translation: Happy birthday, gringo...

Hey Girl, GOD must've been showing off when he made you.

Keep it classy, sassy, and a little smart-assy.

Seriously, life's too important to take seriously.

You're how old? Shut the front door.

You're my favorite sister from another mister.

How about a Birthday Smack!! Funny Birthday Card.

May there be enough sugar, caffeine and booze to properly celebrate your birthday.

Congrats on another lap around the sun...

You've been updated to super friend status.

Happy Biirthday to a real genuine bonafide Superwoman greeting card.

Happy Birthday, Sweetness

I stole you a gift. I thought I was cool...

Birthday Toast

Happy Birthday. What more can I say? Congrats on the anniversary of making it out of your mom's va-jay-jay?

Birthday Vintage Bike...

It dosen't matter if the glass is half full or half empty...

Hurry up, all the cool band names are being taken...

To merely say "Happy Birthday" would be just down right insensitive...

Birthday wishes pie chart

JUST A BRIEF NOTE.

YOU MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER.

You're such a cancer.

You're such a Capricorn

I'm sending this card for the best reason ever...

I, , would like to wish you, , a oMerry Christmas oHappy New Year oHappy Hanukkah oHappy Easter oHappy Thanksgiving oHappy Fourth of July oHappy St...

LET'S FACE IT, IF I HAD GOTTEN YOU A REAL BOX OF CHOCOLATES, I WOULD HAVE EATEN THEM.

Happy Holidays! That implies more than one...

You complete me.

At first I thought you were just relying on your good looks, but recently it seems like you really are oexcelling in ways that make me question what type of ‘vitamins' you're using omastering voodoo opaying off the right people ousing more than the average ten percent of your brain omaking the rest of us look bad othe shit...

Way to go. Make the rest of us look bad.

I owe you another bottle of Champagne...

Congratulations

Funny congratulations IOU greeting card

Hey Kid, welcome to life...

Be honest, is this birthday card too corny?

Bite me.

Trust me you won't be this cute forever...

I have to eat. You have to eat.

Hey Dad! It's me, , you know, your oson odaughter ofaithful dog...

Fatherly Assessment bar graph

King of Pops

Darth Vader Father's Day

It's hard for me to imagine you and Mom having sex.

Dear Dad, you deserve nothing less...

You fought the boogieman for me...

I walked in the store and thins was the first thing I picked up.

Friendship bar graph comparison

Friendship Oscar

Friendship, Thanks, You're the Shit

What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger...

How in the hell are we still together? Happy Anniversary

Ouch this one's gotta hurt...

It was the day after Christmas, and all through the house, everyone was hung over passed out on the couch...

Happy Fathers Day to the most incredible, invincible, stupendously awesome DAD ever created.

I'll kill you if you don't get better! Get Well

I baked you a cake. It burnt...

You're looking at this year's Christmas present...

I got you a snow globe...

Mom, you went through excruciating pain giving birth to me.

I guess my name wasn't good enough! Congrats On Your New Baby

It's not even Valentine's day and I'm giving you a card.

Most thank you cards just say thank you.

Congratulations. You're my Valentine this year...

Nothing says "spontaneously romantic" like a prefabricated card on a firmly established holiday...

I don't need some silly holiday to say I love you.

I had a hunch you two sort of liked each other...

You're osomething else osuper fantastic ookay obusted oclassy with a capital K ogolden otrying odelicious odope oallowed oparanoid oright oalright owrong odirty omixed-up owelcome oa problem oon it odrunk orevered ounbelievable oon fireoin a testosterone-induced fog oquality ofun oon the right path odreamy okidding me oin oout oschizo oappreciated oscrewed oa dog ochemically imbalanced oon my mind oundefinable omissing out o...

You're such a gemini.

Jeepers! Sounds like you're becoming quite the expert on pillows lately...

Damn that must've hurt...

Can I try some of your pain killers? Get well soon.

Get well soon IOU funny greeting card

You're not feeling well...

Funny girlfriend IOU card

Gluten-Free Birthday

Yin Yang symbol of the Tao

Here's a good luck card.

You might want to take a seat before reading further...

Hallelujah, you finally made it! So, smarty pants, what are you going to do now? I'm sure all those long hours ofinessing cheat sheets ogoing on field trips ocramming in "study groups" opartying obrown nosing teachers will most definitely pay off...

Congratulations on your graduation pie chart

Not only relying on looks graduation.

Smart Ass.

Happy Graduation Kid, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this...

Just like clockwork, another year is upon us, not to mention the twenty resolutions you've been trying to accomplish since you started partying like it was 1999...

It's been years since we ogot hitched ostarted the affair ofirst started drooling all over each other omade it official omade love...

IOU Happy Anniversary funny card

Funny Happy anniversary IOU card

It's your anniversary...

Sure you might not be quick to vote ome ous the oKing oQueen of Punctualville, but please don't let a little tardiness detract from this momentous occasion...

Happy belated IOU Birthday card for funny gifts

This card is late. I am not perfect...

Wow, Happy Birthday is right...

My Mom was right when she said, "It's not the size of the gift that matters, it's the intention behind it...

This card-like document hereby proves that I, , am taking time out of my busy day to wish you, ,a whole-lotta ofun ocute puppies ofrosty beverages odollar bills osugar sweetness, on your birthday...

In honor of this very special day, I set out to find you the most sublime, extra-fine gift imaginable...

Happy Birthday IOU funny gift coupon card

Happy Birthday IOU funny gift coupon card

Happy Birthday IOU funny gift coupon card

Funny Happy Birthday card IOU card

Funny Happy Birthday IOU card

If you were a dog You'd be dead by now...

I searched all day for the perfect gift...

It's your birthday. It's mine, too...

May your day be filled with rainbows, Fluffy kittens too, Pretty flowers and chocolates, Enough to distract someone As old as you...

Happy birthday to you...

Funny Happy Fathers Day IOU card

Funny Happy Graduation IOU card

Sure it's December. So it's only natural you might assume this is a oChristmas card oHanukkah card oKwanzaa card oFestivus card oGeneral-Don't-Want-To-Offend Anyone Holiday card...

Wishing you a very oMerry oHappy oHanukkah oChristmas oKwanzaa oNew Year oDay Off oMartin Luther King Jr...

As part of my effort to be a little less Scrooge-like and a lot more Jimmy Stewart-like, this holiday season I have decided to owatch "It's a Wonderful Life" until I puke oenclose a boring, long-winded letter about what I did this past year odeck the halls with girls named Holly obe down with all the hip new gay apparel oget to the bottom of what Fa la la la la la la la la means...

Funny Happy Holidays card IOU

Mommy dearest, you are oqueen of the universe othe first person I think of when I need a recipe oamazing and no woman will ever compare (which is why I'm gay) ocooler than Dad othe definition of beauty...

Happy Mothers Day funny IOU card

You gave birth to me...

You were nice enough to give birth to me and were with me during my terrible toddler years...

Happy New Year, Seriously...

Happy Valentines Day funny IOU card

Dum, dum, da, dummm. Dum, dum, da dummm...

Happy Wedding funny card IOU

Congrats on tying the knot...

Many heartfelt birthday wishes.

hj

Want a white Christmas? Rip this up and toss it in the air.

You might want to hold onto this card.

Reindeer flying? Fat men down chimneys? Why don't you believe I got you a gift this year.

Careful where you hold this card...

Happy New Year, Merry Christmas, and best wishes for any other Holidays in between.

You must clearly be a big deal to get a Holiday card this year...

Happy holidays pie chart

Visual The sacred spiral

The Torus sacred geometry symbol

Life is short and we're all just trying to make the best of what we have to offer...

For crying out loud, can't anyone send a card anymore without having an ulterior motive? Admit it, you haven't even gotten halfway through this card and you're already thinking, hmmm ...

No ulterior motive here...

Mandala circle

You're such a Leo.

The Fibonacci sequence sacred geometry

You're such a Libra.

Flower of Life sacred geometry symbol

Love Pie Graph

Feel a midlife crisis coming on? Happy Birthday

The Sri Yantra sacred geometry symbol

I glanced at your picture some two hundred and fifty times today...

Miss you IOU funny greeting card

Damn emotions.

See I can be frugal, just like you taught me...

Mother. I know you told me to never get a tattoo, but I figured you'd make an exception for this one.

Mothers Day how much I owe you and payback graph

You deserve a Mother's Year.

You did a great job raising me! All those times I screwed up were Dad's fault.

Funny My Love IOU card

Naughty or Nice? The choice is up to you...

So long nosy neighbors...

Congratulations & , on your new bambino, ...

itty bitty blessings...

Congrats on your new Birthday IOU funny card

Congrats on your lil' peanut.

No unsolicited advice is contained within this card.

Congrats on your new baby...

New Baby Pie Graph

Don't worry. I promise to put you in the nicest nursing home money can buy...

You're like an old sock I can't throw away...

Lets over-celebrate your birthday...

Oh, by the way, oyou rock my world...

May your panties never be in a bunch.

Greetings . After realizing life is short oI owe decided it was time to have a:oNice pleasant GET TOGETHERo12 kegger, underwear-on-head, Lambada-dancing, cops-busting PAR-TAY oIncense-burning, mantra-chanting,lotus-sitting SEANCEoCrisco-smearing, whip-cracking, ass-slapping, RUMP-ASS o So, grab oyour so-called wife oyour so-called husband oyourself othose bratty kids owhoever you're dating this week oyour entire neighborhood, and come to , found at: , on / / , at : until : ...

Ay Caramba! I don't know about you but,doesn't it seem like the whole world is starting to resemble oThe Jerry Springer show oSurvivor oCops oThe Sopranos oThe X-Files? What ever happened to the good old days of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood? I use to think that if I had only one wish it would be to have o50 million tax free dollars a year othe power of all the Superfriends combined oan everlasting orgasm oa voice to die for otwo wishes...

Your such a Pisces.

Congratulations. You're officially too old for rock concerts...

You're such a Sagittarius.

You're such a Scorpio.

I, , am officially, wholeheartedly, on-my-hands-and-knees % sorry for othe way I acted othe way I didn't act othe way I reacted othe way I smell obeing born...

Graphical expression of sorry

Funny Sorry IOU card

You may have a few holes to mend...

Stay strong.

I know this is just a stupid card.

Visual: The golden spiral sacred geometry

Super Happy Birthday

You're such a taurus.

Cloud 9 thank you.

Cool Thank you.

Gratitude. I almost bought you a thank you card, but thought you deserved something more appreciative.

IOU Thank you card for funny gifts

You're so giving. I'm so accepting...

All the drugs and alcohol in the world couldn't make me feel as good as you have...

You rocked my world. For that I wish to clone you...

Why, oh why, can't everyone be more like you? Thanks

This is the most thoughtful thank you card ever created.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! oI'm not worthy...

I, , would like to take this moment to thank you, , for oyour way-too-generous gift ofitting me in your super-duper busy schedule obeing born oacknowledging my presence owell, it's the thought that counts...

Funny Thanks IOU card

Funny Thank you card.

Thank you for not sucking.

Thinking of you graph

Thinking of you. You were t first person that came to mind when I saw this card.

Thinking of you pie chart

Thinking of you bar graph

I'm handing you this card because I am too cheap to mail it.

I give the best holiday cards...

Unicorn Birthday

Valentine's day heart pie chart of love

You're such a Virgo.

I'm glad you were born...

Warm and fuzzy wishes for the holidays...

Happy Wedding

It's about freakin time...

This better be the only wedding card I ever give you.

This is going to be the happiest Wedding ever...

Wedding Knot

Yes, the rumors are true...

What up homesock? Happy Birthday.

Knock, knock. Guess who? Nope...

I ran as fast as I could, put on my best disguise, even hid under a park bench, but there was no stopping the little bastard...

You mean the world to me...

oLike me oLove me oStalk me oHug me oDare me oSpank me oShare me oFree me oTease me oEmploy me oExploit me oDeliver me oDiscover me oBathe me oTell me oDis me oFind me oUnwind me oPhone me oSpoon me oBelieve me oChange me oRearrange me oSoothe me oKiss me oWed me oFeed me oHumor me oHonor me oHate me oDo me oCrush me oUntie me oTeach me oLick me oSuck me oSock me oBite me oTaste me oPlay me oFool me oFight me oAdore me oPlay me oTempt me oSmell me oPay me oSchool me oAcknowledge me oFeel me oDare me oRub me oHear me oTry me oSponsor me oSee me oForget me oUnderstand me oThank me oLeave me oAll of the aboveoNone of the above...

The Merkaba Symbol sacred geometry

The Venus Flower is the orbit path of Venus and Earth

Image: The golden spiral sacred geometry

Visual: Anahata the heart chakra